youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
