end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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