This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
