If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
