I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
