Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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