Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
