I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
