I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
