ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
