so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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