All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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