Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
