it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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