I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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