I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
