Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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