She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
lets start a swedish sibling band together
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
