i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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