evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
