Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
