bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
