you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
