his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
MIDGETS
????
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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