I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
