oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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