I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
