I'm really into asian looking animals
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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