I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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