he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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