how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
