no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Randomize
