Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
