So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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