Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
