if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
