we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
