I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
