I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
