Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
