if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
