i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
