after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
