i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
