I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
