You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Randomize
