I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
this hospital has no fireball
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
