just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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