My brain says no but my pants say off.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
