Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
