eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
