If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
