If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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